Enter the World of Iron Waffles

Imagine this: it’s a Saturday morning. Riddled with sleep, you make your way to your kitchen, your feet softly padding the floor with every step. The rest of your family is asleep, as you are the early-bird.

I’m hungry, you think to yourself, and you open the fridge in the hunt for milk to accompany the soon to be soiree of cereal in your bowl. Cinnamon Toast Crunch sounds great right now. You choose cereal for breakfast.

If this sounds like you, you should be ashamed. How dare you, how dare you ignore one of the most significant inventions of human civilization.

Obviously, the waffle iron is the quintessence of human advancement; the kitchen tool blessing us as we prepare a delicious, scrumptious breakfast.

No- why, I take that back. The waffle iron is not merely a tool. We do not deserve to use such slander against one of the most beautiful, prismatic pieces of machinery of our generation.

The waffle iron is not a tool- but rather, we are the tools to the waffle iron.

This gorgeous machine has been blessing our kitchens from the fourteenth century, constructing breakfasts for humans through two iron plates over a blazing fire. Often, there would be grooves in the iron plates to produce works of art in the waffles, such as: religious depictions, landscapes, or elaborate patterns. In 1869, the waffle iron became more adjusted for the kitchen, as Cornelius Swartwout patented the machine by adding a hinge to the two plates- thus allowing it to flip properly. In 1911, the waffle iron was truly modernized when General Electric created an electric waffle iron. From there, the waffle iron boomed across the world.

As a single mother of four, the waffle iron is INCREDIBLY helpful for me when I prepare breakfast in a hectic morning. Why, I remember when I got my first waffle iron- it was the present from my ex-boyfriend when he prom-posed to me back in ‘98. He said, “I would be waffled if you didn’t go with me to prom!” Astounded by the waffle iron he presented to me, of course I said yes! We unfortunately had to break up after he got arrested for drug trafficking at Seaside.

But back to the important matters at hand: if you are neglecting your waffle iron, you should highly reconsider your actions. The waffle iron is the most useful and most significant part of your kitchen- no, the waffle iron is the most important part of YOU.

As always, Don’t Dawdle, just DEBRA!! :o)

#humor